The Cockroach of Doom

I’ve lived on the Big Island for almost six months now; on Saturday night I had my worst cockroach experience to date. (If you want some more information on the common cockroach found in Hawaii, see here: I’ve become accustomed to discovering them around my home occasionally, and keep a can of Raid handy since I cannot stomach the idea of smashing them with a slipper. I may need to reconsider that stance as a result of this experience.

I was laying on my stomach on the couch, reading a book, when I heard that very distinctive “whirring” sound that indicates a cockroach flying around my space. I peered towards the area where I thought I heard it, then grabbed my glasses so I could actually see what was in front of me. Sure enough, across the room on a white picture frame was my nemesis. I very slowly eased myself up, grabbed my crutch and retrieved the can of Raid from where it currently lives on my nightstand (last used a week ago when I sprayed a roach that then flew down to my PILLOW! This was foreshadowing for my next adventure.). As I eased back into the living area, I saw it fly from the frame to approximately the area of the ceiling fan. At this point, I couldn’t do anything else, so I returned to the couch and my book.

A short time later, I heard the whirring again, and a “clink” as the bug encountered the small hanging capiz shell lamp that hangs over the shelf of the breakfast bar. By the way, this was just to the side above my head. I bolted up in time to see it work its way down the hanging electrical cord and reach the cross-bar shelf, and move out of my line of sight. Okay, I’m going to kill this thing now because they just creep me out. I think it’s mostly the antennae, which seem to double the whole length of the body.

After moving into the galley kitchen, I used my crutch to ease aside my iPod stereo on the kitchen counter to see if the buggah was hiding there. Nope. Searched around the cross-bar and didn’t see it. I have a model Miata MX-5 with the top down sitting on that cross-bar, and I had a momentary flash of a scene from the end of “Team America” when the cockroach scuttles into a small spaceship and escapes that way. I was prepared to giggle hysterically if I located the roach inside the cockpit of the car. Eventually, I moved to the right side of the car, which was shadowed and could vaguely make out the shape of the cockroach skulking next to the driver door like a car thief. With Raid in my left hand and a crutch under my right arm, I aimed the can and sprayed it, and then tracked the frantic insect’s flight path with the Raid.

Except it veered towards me. And it got under my long wrap. I spun in circles, trying to make sure it had not landed on me, frantically stripping off my wrap and dropping my crutch. Then I felt it: it got under the drape of my top and in my arching and flailing about, it slid down past the waist of my yoga pants and was in my pants. OMG! I yanked my pants and underwear down right there in front of the screen door, damn near shrieking the whole time. It fell onto the floor on its back and lay there twitching. I quickly pulled my pants back up, swept the buggah into a covered dustpan, and retreated to a chair across the room to recover, shaking and sweating. I can occasionally hear it flutter now and I am staying far from it. I need to shower. Aloha Hawaii! Ugh.

Photo credit: “American-cockroach” by Gary Alpert – Licensed under CC BY 2.5 via Wikimedia Commons –

My nemesis
My nemesis

One thought on “The Cockroach of Doom

  1. That was like reading Stephen King ,my stomach was in knots,glad you are safe,for now.I need to tell Jeff & Delania to buy Raid,also fyi,get a can of hairspray and freeze them,then hit them with the raid.Have only had run ins with a couple of those, at The Branhams,I fear them.

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