Anniversary of an epiphany

I’ve been keeping an eye on my Facebook memories this month, because I knew it was coming. That moment. A picture commemorating the moment when I realized that not only did I want to move to Hawaii, but that I could.

The Lanai

Six years ago today, I was house-sitting for my friends, the Z family. They lived in Keauhou and, while they visited the mainland, I stayed at their house and worked long-distance at my inside sales job. You can see my work spread all over the table on their lanai. While I enjoyed the ocean breezes, the Kona coffee, and the ease with which I got up early to get my sales orders entered and my database updated, I appreciated even more how less stressed out I was about the fact that I was working while vacationing.

I like the person I am in Hawaii, and I like what I’m able to accomplish here. It was sitting at that table, on that lanai, listening to the waves at Keauhou Bay, doing that work, that made me say, “Yep, I’m going to do this. I’m moving to Hawaii.” Just over two years later, I did.

Other than continuing to love my life, I’m not doing much of the same stuff I was when I moved almost four years ago, but that’s great. I’ve managed to slough off unneeded parts of me with the help of the sand, hydrated my soul with the ocean water, and polished my determination with the rays of sunlight. I’ve got this. Aloha!



It’s been a while, and that’s something that I want to change. I originally focused on moving to Hawaii, then on humorous (to me, at least) observations of life here. Right now, I need to get real about what I’m doing with 3+ years under my belt.

2017 was a tumultuous year in many ways, not all of them political. My mom visited me for the first time on her own and stayed in my very own home for one week, and this was glorious. The one year anniversary of my home ownership in Hawaii occurred. I made new friends. My best on-island friend left the island and focused on a life somewhere else, taking not just her physical presence but her emotional one as well. My job changed and I was let go from my employer. I became self-employed, and also collected unemployment because I was so uncertain about my business that I wasn’t working enough hours to support myself. A week with my friends and family in California filled my heart to bursting and I gleefully shopped at Old Navy, Trader Joe’s and Barnes and Noble stores. Working almost exclusively from home, and trying to build my business isolated me from interactions with people even more and I’d go days without using my voice. I turned 44, and got frustrated with myself. The holiday season happened and I spent time with a couple of friends, but mostly read entirely too many hours, while drinking too frequently and not eating enough.

Now it’s 2018, and I’ve got to do better if I want to continue this life that I worked so hard to achieve. It’s completely different from the life I had in California, which is the very point of having it. I just have to figure out how to deal with the setbacks and the disappointments and the loneliness.

Here’s the thing about making (and keeping!) friends as an adult: it’s HARD. All the cool people have partners, families, kids, other friends, jobs, interests… all the things that make them cool and why you want to be friends with them. You may be a perfectly nice person, but they don’t have a lot of time or space to fit in a new friend. Add in: you are on an island, a limited population, a pinch of self-doubt and social anxiety (okay, more like a generous helping) and the number of people you are willing and able to approach – repeatedly – to be friends gets smaller. It can be crippling to be the one always reaching out, “Hey are you available? Do you want to do this thing with me?” If you don’t try though, you spend your time pulling ever more inward, maybe spending more times on your hobbies, or your bad habits, or getting bitter. Frankly, that’s exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Now, I’m bumming myself out and my neck hurts from the navel-gazing. Yes, it’s hard to adult, but it’s gotta be better than the alternative. Also, these are choices I made for myself (which reminds me of a series of exchanges with a conservative dude about taking responsibility for choices and jeez, I don’t like that guy’s attitude), so it’s time to take responsibility for them, and make different choices if I don’t like the results of them. So, 2018… let’s see if we can thrive together, shall we?

This post brought to you by several bouts of depression, and far too much time on Facebook.

My personal Superhero

I spent the last 4 days volunteering at HawaiiCon and it was absolutely amazing. There was cosplay (cosplay is NOT consent), science panels, a gaming room, vendors, and lots of stars in SciFi-related entertainment. The attendees and volunteers all work together to bring Aloha to a Con, and it works so well.

On Saturday, I worked the silent auction table which meant that I watched the people who were checking out the available items, and set them up with a bid number and got their contact information. A dad and his sundress-clad daughter approached me so Dad could get signed up. While talking with him, I kept glancing at the little girl to identify what I thought I saw, and finally broke down to apologize for staring and asked her directly, “I’m so sorry if I’ve been rude, but are you wearing a glucose monitor and pump?” Yep, she sure was. This 7-ish year old girl had medical grade bubble bandages on each tricep, with a bright orange rim around the bubble containing a continuous glucose monitor and an insulin pump. I told her I was very impressed, and that I had tried to wear a CGM but it hurt too much and was weird. She just smiled at me while Dad and I talked a bit about diabetes.

I wish that I had taken the time to tell her that – of all the fictional superheroes represented in that room – she was my superhero. To so fearlessly and visibly wears the markers of this disease is tough for an adult; to do so as a child is even harder when kids can be mean. Hopefully, at her age, the kids are curious or used to her. People, like me, are going to stare, point and whisper, or maybe ask questions. She is a walking example of diabetes care, and I adore her for it. I want to be her when I grow up some more.

It’s a Small World…

I was fairly informed about technology when I lived in Silicon Valley, and used a variety of tools to accomplish my work and hobbies. Only since moving to a small island in the middle of the Pacific have I discovered just how vital it is in maintaining my sanity. I may not be able to see my friends and family in person quite as often or easily, but I can keep my connections strong and thriving with a little assistance from (basically) the internet.

Earlier this year, I flew to the mainland for a girlfriend’s wedding. I was a bridesmaid, and cherished this opportunity to spend time with some incredible women (and their equally awesome dudes). The photographer is an absolute star and she became a new friend I’ve maintained contact with through FB. One afternoon this summer (okay, evening for the others), I was on FaceBook with the maid of honor (Pacific time zone), the bride (Mountain time), and the photographer (Eastern time), and we were all looking at photos from the wedding in online albums and making hysterical and emotional comments to each other using a group chat on FB Messenger. Four women, in four time zones, sharing the same moment. That filled my heart and soul with so much love.

Bridal PartyPC: Blair Bush, FineArt Photographer

My annual car event in California also gets interesting in the planning process, because the other planners and I are also in 4 time zones: me in HST, one in PST, one in MST and the other used to be in Thailand and is now in Spain. We use Skype for those planning meetings and let me tell you, coordinating those times is a challenge! We also email a lot, I keep my notes on Evernote and my volunteer tracking in Google Sheets which I’ve shared, I get reimbursed by PayPal (wire transfer fees are no joke, this is much better), and there is not only an event website but also a Facebook community page. With all of these tools, it doesn’t matter that we are scattered across the world; we are still able to communicate and share information in a timely fashion.

It’s a very small (digital) world, indeed.

Progress Report

I have a couple of topics that I want to write about, but since it’s been so long since my last post, I thought I should provide a progress report on what I’ve done recently.

It’s been over a year since I moved in, and I’m still enjoying my home a great deal. Since it has been over a year, I’ve become more familiar and comfortable with what I’m doing in the space, and am continually coming up with new and different ways of using the space and the stuff in it. What that means: moving around decor and furniture, repurposing and reusing a variety of stuff, and just figuring out how to live better in my home. Example: instead of stacking up the plastic water bottles and lidded coffee mugs in the kitchen cupboard, I took an extra fabric “cube” and put it on it’s side in the linen closet then put all the bottles and cups in it.  They take up less space and I can easily access them there.

Bottle stack

I have the best parents ever, and they bought me a new roof earlier this year as it was due for replacement. It wasn’t nearly as expensive as I expected, and I’m so grateful I found a competent professional to do the work. I’ve watched my neighbors do their own roof, and I cringed every time the tarp over the exposed wood was blown away and then it rained. My windows and sliders are almost done being replaced. The special-order sliding glass door for the master bedroom is on order for the third time (1. doors didn’t include in-glass-shades, 2. door opens wrong direction), and I hope it gets here soon! The windows and doors were just about the same cost as the roof, mostly because of the special order sizes I needed, but there is a massive improvement having screens that fit and double pane glass. Very worthwhile. No more major projects this year, but I’m sure there will be small kine stuff like painting inside and garage re-org. Oh, and I need to re-grout the master tub/shower and figure out how to get my hair dye off the walls and porcelain tub surface.

It’s been almost 3 years since I moved, and I’m still confident I made the right decision. Life hasn’t been all leis and mai tais, for sure, but I am digging deeper into life here and continuing to make connections. Yesterday, I was one of those annoying people who has a 20 minute talk story session partway in an aisle at Target. 🙂 It felt really good. My work life took a major right turn recently, but I’m pretty confident that I can make it benefit me rather than drag me down. When I first moved here, the plan was to be a better version of myself than when I lived on the mainland. I’m continuing to polish those layers and discover shiny new facets. It’s really pretty neat. Mahalo for continuing on the journey with me!

Reality Check

Buying a house is all fun and games, until you start living in it.

Don’t get me wrong: I love my home and I am thrilled that I purchased it. I’ve owned a home (well, a condo) previously, so I had a pretty fair idea of what I was getting myself into. Now that I’ve lived here for 5 months though, my “honey do” list has gotten pretty long.

And it’s all on me. I don’t have a “honey” to help me do the things, though my girlfriends have been incredibly generous about loaning me their husbands/boyfriends, and I’ve found some great skilled vendors. The list keep growing, and I’m trying to be a grown-up and compromise.

I found a gorgeous daybed with trundle that I want to buy, but it’s pricey for the whole thing including mattresses. And I just received a bill from my eye doc that is $500 after insurance. So, I’ll buy the frames now and put two twin mattresses on a future Costco shopping list.

The windows could use replacing, as they are sticky, single-paned, the screens don’t fit properly and/or they are riddled with holes. The original plan was just to replace everything soon, but I’m going to have to piecemeal it with new screen doors and learning how to replace the mesh in the screens because all new windows isn’t in the budget right now (see medical bill above).

A friend sold me some great LED tubes for the overhead lights in my garage, but I need to bypass the ballast for them to work properly. That requires an electrician, which is $100/hour. I’m going to put the florescent lights back in for now as I don’t want to tempt an electrical fire, and I can’t afford the electrician.

The hall toilet keeps cycling and I can’t figure out why. My contractor friend has replaced the flushing mechanism, and the flapper, and now the handle doesn’t go all the way up (I think I need to adjust the flapper chain) so it’s not flushing at all unless I remove the tank lid and pull the chain from the inside. THAT is an expense that is necessary, and if he can’t figure it out on his next visit, I’ll call a plumber. My water bill is almost double that of a comparable household, and I am wasting SO MUCH water. I flinch every time I hear that toilet run, and imagine the dollars and gallons being flushed away.

As much as I want to do it all NOW, I’ve had to slow down my pursuit of the perfect home and remind myself that I plan to be here for many more years so there’s no rush, as long as I can make it habitable and safe. The exterminator and monthly gardener are necessary expenses to keep the house critter-free, and the yard from getting me reported to the HOA (I have a LOT of bushes/flowers/trees, and no idea what to do with them). I am putting in sweat equity in pulling weeds, trimming palm trees, and placing new paving stones to replace the porcelain tiles on the pathway that are slippery death traps when it rains. The art is on the walls, and I’m thinning out more stuff for a garage sale.

Slowly, my house is becoming my home. I guess this another area where I have to factor in “Hawaiian time”!

Island Girl Problems

It occurred to me that I need to throw some humor in here periodically, and it’s been so damn hot and humid recently that I’ve been moaning about my “island girl problems”.

  1. Hot water for shaving is just too uncomfortable (I shouldn’t be sweating while in the shower, yeah?). Shaving happens in a cold water shower and I live with the bumps.
  2. Speaking of sweating in the shower, even after my only-cold-water shower, I find myself starting to sweat as soon as I turn off the water and start toweling off. What was the point in showering again?
  3. If you get the urge to try some facial care, don’t bother with the face mask. It’s too hot and humid for it to dry on your face, even at night.
  4. Make-up melts off my face far too quickly, if I can even get it on. Fans in the bathroom/house, and A/C  in the car can only do so much. I don’t bother most of the time, and getting “fancy” means I actually put on brow pencil, lipstick AND mascara!
  5. There’s a very limited dating pool on an island. A friend of mine described it as, “You don’t lose a partner, you lose your turn”, and that is so accurate. You’ll see that turn all over town too, so make sure you really want to step up.
  6. It’s hard to avoid drinking – everyone who comes to visit is on vacation and wants to go out for mai tais. Then there are the potluck/pau hana (happy hour) get togethers with friends where there is more booze than food. Oh, and don’t forget all of the festivals and fundraisers where they want you liquored up so you’ll open your wallet at the silent auction!
  7. I look like a broke lush buying a bottle of the cheapest, unpronounceable vodka, but at least my clothes won’t be stinky when I do. There is so much sweat in a tropical climate, it’s good to know how to use vodka in a spray and in your laundry to remove sweat and other odors.
  8. It takes a whole lot of practice to be able to strut effectively in slippahs, when out with my girls. However, it’s remarkably easy to fall off them, even when sober.
  9. If you have hair that can be pulled up/back, it will be. Despite your gorgeous, long fall of straight hair, or riot of curls, no one will every see them. The wind, the sea and the sun will all combine to make it uncomfortable or inconvenient to wear your hair down. And forget styling implements. Even if your outlet can handle the electricity, do you really want to spend 20 minutes using heat to dry or flat-iron your hair?

We have some trade winds today, courtesy of Hurricane Lester, so I’m going to go out and enjoy it! Have a fabulous weekend!

For Now

As I move about my home, and gets things fixed or put in place, I’m frequently using the words “for now”.

  • This will work as a jerry-rigged solution, for now.
  • I can store this here, for now.
  • That looks fine, for now.

I keep reminding myself that I’ve been in this space less than 3 months, and I don’t plan to leave anytime soon, so I don’t need to have all of my ideas implemented right away. My impatience must be tamped down, and that energy turned in a different direction: towards things that are required for existing, rather than improving my life.

The temporary solution to the torn and cracked rubber on a slider is to supplement it with Gorilla tape and it completely works. I have a Brita filter pitcher, so I don’t have to search out a Moen undersink filter right away. Replace the outlets in the kitchen with GFCI ones? Absolutely necessary for safety. “Island time” applies to home improvements, too.

But, oh, can I tell you how much I want to go nuts at Lowe’s and Home Depot and bring in contractors?

Finding a house to be my home

An electrician is currently up in my attic, installing another box to support one of my new ceiling fan/lights. I decided to replace the two existing fan/lights, one fan only, and one light fixture so I have four matching fan/lights. We’ve discovered that 2 out of 3 (so far) didn’t have the proper box in the attic to support the units, and I’m hoping the last one doesn’t have the same problem as the electrician doesn’t have any more boxes in his truck. Also, it’s apparently quite hot in the attic, and the poor guy is sweating a lot.

Here’s a little of the background I promised last time on what I’m doing here: I haven’t lived in proper single-family home in at least a dozen years, and I desperately wanted to. Most recently I rented a condo, in California I owned a condo. Prior to that, I lived in a 450 sq ft “in-law unit” in my landlord’s back yard, with the rented single-family home and roommates prior to that. I was very tired of having people so close to me, and in my last condo with a wall of jalousie windows, I could hear a LOT of what happened in my next door neighbor’s unit. Thankfully, they weren’t in it very often (seasonal owners). Also, I got a taste for nesting and making my space most useful and convenient for me when I lived in CA. I still miss that gorgeous kitchen that I remodeled from the studs out. It was time to buy a home.

I knew I wanted to stay near town and near the ocean. I could get a lot more space for less money if I went mauka (up the mountain) or south, but that would also require me to be a bit more self-sufficient and I’m not as rural in sensibilities as needed for moving south. Moving inland and up the mountain means more travel time, and the threat of mold (though I’m sure the temperature difference would have been fabulous). Since I sold nearly all of my possessions before moving to the island, and was renting a furnished condo, buying a “turnkey” (turn over the key, start living immediately) place was a high priority on my list. Finally, I wanted great outdoor living space. We spend so much time outdoors that I hoped to find a home with either an existing, large covered lanai or the space to build one. So, I started looking. Thankfully, I have a fantastic Realtor, who showed me some great properties. I did find the home I purchased on my own, and it was the first place we looked at.

I fell in love with this house, seriously. I probably overlooked some things that now irritate me, but isn’t that how it goes when you’re in love? The landscaping is gorgeous, unique and sortof low-maintenance (I have a landscaper for a close friend, fortunately). I’m surprised at how much joy I get wandering around the yards (they wrap around the entire house), pulling weeds and plucking dead blooms from the plants. There is a beautiful plant across from my office window that attracts butterflies. Hibiscus plants of all colors line the front sidewalk. I have no idea of the names of virtually everything, but it gives me such joy to see all of this beauty. The house is situated really well, at the bottom of a hill and the long part faces the ocean which is on the other side of the houses across the street. If the surf is high, I can hear it pounding the nearby shoreline, and I get some great tradewind action most afternoons. There is a walk-in master closet in the master en suite, a large covered lanai off the living room and a smaller one outside the sliding glass door in the master. I have a second bedroom that is currently my home office, but will also be a guest bedroom. And it was fully furnished when I bought it, which is what led to the garage sale mentioned in my last post.

Next post will talk about the purchase process and what happened after I moved in. A hui hou!

Getting back in the groove

Did you miss me? I know it’s been far too long since I posted here. I got busy doing those job things I talked about last time, then at the beginning of this year, I started the journey to buy a house.

Yep, I wanted to become a homeowner again, in my new home of Hawaii. One of the reasons was I wanted to get out of the condo I lived in; another was to stake my claim on the land. I have no plans to leave this island anytime soon, and so it made sense for me to start paying rent to myself in the form of a mortgage.

I’ll go back in time during the next couple of weeks, and touch on some of the things I learned and experienced during the process. Right now, I am celebrating my one-month anniversary of living in my new hale (house)! I closed escrow on May 12, but didn’t move until May 20. It’s been a whirlwind month since then, as I needed to move in, spend several days on a work project the next weekend, have a garage sale the weekend after that, and then finish up with a burlesque show on June 11! Normal life was put on hold for about 3.5 weeks, and now I’m working on balancing my “honey do” list for the house, with my real-life responsibilities.

However, I have priorities. 🙂 I have some friends coming over for wine-thirty tomorrow evening, which means I need to finish putting together the second sectional for my lanai. Also, it’s the solstice, and I have some spells and blessings I want to invoke once the moon rises.

Lots more blogs coming, as I keep finding stuff I want to talk about, if only so I have a written record on what I’ve done and why. I hope you take this next stage of my journey with me, and enjoy it as much as I do. Aloha!